The Country Beyond Words

"Teach me to go to the country beyond words and names. Teach me to pray on this side of the frontier...

I need to be led by you. I need my heart to be moved by you. I need my soul to be made clean by your prayer. I need my will to be made strong by you. I need the world to be saved and changed by you. I need you for all those who suffer, who are in prison, in danger, in sorrow. I need you for all the crazy people. I need your healing hand to work always in my life. I need you to make me, as you made your Son, a healer, a comforter, a savior. I need you to name the dead. I need you to help the dying cross their particular rivers. I need you for myself whether I live or die. I need to be your monk and your son. It is necessary. Amen."
--Thomas Merton

The last week or so--really, for weeks now, I have pretty much failed to live out the Cistercian values of silence, solitude, even prayer really. I have been away from home, visiting family, working late, engaged in all manner of activity, both internal and external. I have a big trip coming up in a few weeks, and I'm anxious about that too, and the result has been distraction, exhaustion, frustration.

I sat down to really pray this morning for the first time in days, and my words just came out a kind of wordless croak.

And that seemed perfectly okay with God. So we sat there, together, in the silence. And I was just me, exactly where I am, and God was just God.