A Middle Path

“Abbot Pambo questioned Abbot Anthony saying: What ought I to do? And the elder replied: Have no confidence in your own virtuousness. Do not worry about a thing once it has been done. Control your tongue and your belly.”
—Wisdom of the Desert

There are enough gems in this tiny saying to fill a book of reflections. Abbot Anthony at first appears to be admonishing us to humility, in that we are to have no confidence in our own virtue. On the other hand, he isn’t into guilt either, as we are to forget about our deeds once they are done. As a society, we Americans are a paradox: we are the most materialistic individualists in the world—overindulged, pampered, spoiled, unable or unwilling to see perspectives beyond our own. And yet we are weighed down with a lot of guilt at the same time, and our individualism masks a deep lack of collective self-esteem. We deem ourselves fat, ugly, unlovable, not good enough. We act out in a variety of ways to make up for the many shortcomings we perceive in ourselves.

Abbot Anthony points to the middle way: we ought to know ourselves intimately, including all the cracks in our personalities, and love ourselves anyway. This kind of self-intimacy arises spontaneously through the reflection of contemplative prayer and meditation. We get to know the things that make us “tick,” and at first we are overwhelmed by all the darkness we see in our hearts once we finally start to look. But prayer is ultimately letting go of our need to control, to be perfect, to have all the answers. Wordless prayer is about learning to embrace everything that arises and passes away, just as it is. Once “a thing is done,” we let it go, returning to the present moment, waiting for whatever arises next, confident not in our virtuousness, but in the Universal Mind in which all problems and all solutions are really one.

Such mindfulness takes great practice. As Abbot Anthony advises, it would be enough just to practice mindfulness of our speech and our attitudes and habits regarding food. This would keep us busy for a lifetime.